Suicide Among Men – It’s time to wake up

Men commit suicide almost 4 times as much as women. Yet, I rarely hear people talking about suicide among men. Especially men themselves. This must change.

Man seeks help
Man seeks help

    I think it’s time that we start looking at ourselves and find out what’s causing this and what we can do about it. In this article I will shed some light on the facts, I will share my thoughts on suicide among men in general and will make a humble attempt to put forward some possible solutions.

Numbers don’t lie

Because we have to begin somewhere, I’ll start off with some numbers from the American Foundation For Suicide Prevention, to see the current situation in the United States:

  • Around 45,000 Americans die by suicide each year (that’s the population of an average town).
  • Males die 3.53 times more often by suicide than females.
  • White males accounted for 7 of 10 suicides in 2016

In 2016:

  • The rate of suicide is highest in middle age
  • The highest suicide rate was among adults between 45 and 54 years of age
  • The second highest rate was among those of 85 years or older
  • Half of the suicides were done by the use of firearms
Homeless man
Homeless man

Now if we move on to Europe, I’ll share some numbers from Eurostat from the year 2017:

  • There were almost 60,000 suicides in the European Union
  • 77% of these suicides were committed by men
  • 48% by a person aged between 40 and 65
  • Germany reported most deaths, namely 10,300.    

If we take a look at the most suicides per 100,000 inhabitants, Eastern Europe has the highest rates of suicide. Lithuania has the lead, followed by Latvia, Hungary and Slovenia. Greece and Cyprus report the least suicides.

Well, well, feminism

I wonder what feminists think about the fact that men are killing themselves 3.5 times more often than women. 3.5 times! This means that more than 30,000 men kill themselves in the United States alone every year. Half of them shoot themselves in the head, and the rest dies by suffocation, poisoning and other methods. I mean, what gender needs empowerment in current society? Women? Really?

Feminism
Feminism

Maybe it’s about time that society realizes that it is men that are in a difficult position here, not women. And do you ever see us protesting? Do you ever see us nagging, moaning and demanding rights and privileges?

Maybe it’s about time that you stop your silly protests, your disgusting attempts to marginalize men in every damn area of their life. No matter if it’s the corporate world, public spaces, academia, media, politics or the divorce courts.

Perhaps about time that you…

  • Stop whining about your rights and that you restrain your thirst for privilege.
  • Stop shaming men and telling them to “man up” all the time?
  • Don’t treat men like garbage while they have collectively sacrificed themselves by labor (often dangerous and even with the consequences of death). And by going to war to protect your life and the lives of your children. Or by inventing practically all technology that you are using to have a comfortable life.

And what do men get in return? Feminism & #METOO.

Taking responsibility

When I’m ranting I realize that I can’t change the world by finger pointing. I realize that whining and complaining isn’t the solution to our problems. Let’s not be like those feminists. Because in the end, blaming others leads nowhere, even if your claims are completely justified. Assuming that the world will not bend to our will, the best option is to look at ourselves.

Man shutting down
Man shutting down

The problem is that some men are being so goddamn hard on themselves that they rather die than show the world that they are hurting. And in the end, it’s those men, not women, not feminists, not #METOO, that make that final choice that erased their existence from the world. To reduce the suicide rates among men, it’s men that need to take action.

It’s about time that we break the silence. It is imperative that we kick our fear for shaming to the curb, and open up about our suicidal thoughts. Too many men have refused to talk about this, perhaps to save their face, to not being perceived as weak. So they are rather dead than vulnerable. And this says something. If you ask me, this means that being vulnerable is not a safe position to be in. It is perceived as dangerous.

Crying is for pussies

In what kind of world do we live, that men prefer to shoot themselves in the head over opening up? Or could it be that we have never learned to open up properly? That we are always told to MAN UP, to act like a man. “Crying is for pussies,” you know, that kind of stuff.

Man in grief
Man in grief

Many men I have had conversations with about this subject and who felt safe enough to open up, admitted that they do let their tears flow now and then. But they do that when no one is around. Women, on the other hand, often show their emotions in public, and no one gives a damn.

Moreover: they get rewarded with compassion and people comforting them. But how about men? Men that cry run the risk to get discarded as a wimp or “not a real man”. Maybe not on the spot, but surely behind his back. And that’s why men hurt in solitude. Alone at night in a room, or maybe in bed when the wife is already asleep, or in the car somewhere in a desolated parking lot. I’d recommend everyone watching a video from Spetsnaz called Male Grief – The Method:

Stop the self-hate

Even if we are perceived as losers, weak men, low status males, whatever: there is still no reason to hate ourselves. And that’s what they want: they want us to hate ourselves, they want us to feel inadequate. They do this because shaming is a form of control to get you into submission so you will go back to the plantation to serve.

Marcus Aurelius
Marcus Aurelius

The key is let go of your attachment to what other people think, and to start valuing the opinions of the person that knows best what’s good for you; and that person is you. The great Stoic philosopher and once emperor of Rome Marcus Aurelius once wrote in his diaries and one of the greatest Stoic works Meditations and I quote:

I have often wondered how it is that every man loves himself more than all the rest of men, but yet sets less value on his own opinion of himself than on the opinion of others. 

Meditations, 12.4

So f*ck the expectations that society throws at us! This is not our cross to bear. Let them bear it themselves.

Stick that validation up your ass

Women and the men who pander them, listen up: we don’t want your validation, we don’t want your approval, we don’t want your praise. We just want out. It’s our birthright to walk away if we choose to do so, and to free ourselves from the shackles of slavery. If liberating ourselves from the bondage of your ridiculous demands is necessary to survive, then that’s what we will do. Shame us for it. What do not care anymore. We are going our own way.

Man going his own way
Man going his own way

If we are the unwanted men of Western civilization, so be it. Don’t let it affect your self-worth; don’t give in to self-loathing. Accept that you are human, and that no human on earth truly knows why we are here. So what do they know about what’s right or wrong, what’s valuable and what’s not.

Just look around you man. Life is a miracle. There is so much beauty in the world and you are part of that. You are one of the most sophisticated beings of this solar system! Why don’t make something out of that? Don’t give a shit about what other people think; be you. Don’t let others decide who you should be. I say: f*ck em.

Possible solutions

So if you are suicidal, what can you do about it? Well, there are different things, different methods. But the most important one is being brutally honest to yourself when you ask the question: can I do this on my own?

Stop hiding

Even if you are a loner, even if you have gone your own way, you are not meant to be completely disconnected. I started this channel saying that there is a fine line between social isolation and individual empowerment. Many men will cross that line, shutting themselves off from the world, they will self-loath, and they will suffer in silence. I mean: it’s good to harvest the power of solitude, but it isn’t good to hide in shame because of your vulnerability.

Share your story
Men talking
Men talking

When you find yourself in such a place, I think it’s time that you get out and find people to share your story with. It’s time that you take responsibility for your life in a healthy way. Put yourself first and let others know what’s going on, and grant yourself the time and space to sort yourself out. Seek therapy, if needed. 

Therapy?

I know that therapy these days is very much geared towards women; but I think it’s better than nothing. It will at least give you the opportunity to share your story while it may open new doors for you and give you new insights. I know this by experience, because I have had suicidal thoughts myself many times in the past.

Connect with others
Hitting the gym
Hitting the gym

What always helped me was reaching out, connecting with other people; no matter how trivial. Group energy, a friendly conversation with another human being, a smile. These simple things can do wonders for depressed people because they have been stuck in their heads for such a long time. This I know from personal experience as well.

Exercising and organizing

Other remedies are exercising, taking a walk outside in the sun, eating well and putting your house in order. A clean and organized environment creates what I’d call spiritual tidiness, because your living space can be seen as an extension to yourself. It’s mostly the things that you dread the most that will make the biggest change.

Things will get better

The thing is that when you have suicidal thoughts, your mind simply cannot comprehend the fact that things can and WILL get better. Things will improve. This too shall pass. What you need in these moments of darkness is that leap of faith, while, at the same the realization that a journey of a 1000 miles always begins with one step.

Even if you make one step into the right direction, things already start to improve. Well, that was it. I hope you’ve found something of value in my words.

4 thoughts on “Suicide Among Men – It’s time to wake up”

  1. One of the things I learned about suicide is the spiritual component of it. It’s when the heart is filled with despair.

    Now whether it is self-created or other created…the point is men can’t do it alone. The first ally many men should seek is Christ and His mercy. We were valuable enough He came down to Earth to die on the cross for our sins. Women overall might not care about the plight of men because of feminism…but God surely did and still does.

  2. Hi Earl! Thanks again for you comment. I’m not a Christian; I was raised without a faith. I believe that the lack of spiritual faith makes people more prone to depression and suicidal thoughts. I’m sure that being part of a religious community will help men to become more resilient to negative emotions.

  3. “I know that therapy these days is very much geared towards women; but I think it’s better than nothing.”

    Therapy doesn’t normally work because men today are depressed for excellent and rational reasons. It’s why psychiatrists keep prescribing pills.

    “Why do you think caused your depression?”

    “My wife divorced me, cleaned me out and poisoned my kids against me. My friends blame me for her behavior. I was fired because of a false rape accusation and nobody will hire me anymore. I’m too close to retirement to start my life over and I’ve been hated all my life for being a white man… more every year. Can you help me with any of this?”

    “Uh… no… but here’s a happy pill.”

    Instead, some options:

    1. Vitamin D supplements. This works especially well for Seasonal Affective Disorder, depression from lack of sunlight. Why Lithuania is #1.

    2. Get your thyroid gland checked. Low thyroid is commonly misdiagnosed as depression.

    3. Physical activity. Half an hour in the weight gym every day or two is enough for mood improvement.

    4. Biofeedback. Challenge negative thoughts, force a smile to evoke happier attitudes, self-massage.

    5. Psychiatric meds. They’re crutches but if you leg is broken then get a crutch.

    6. Pets.

  4. Gunner Q, thank you for your great tips!

    Actually I have never heard of Biofeedback before. “Challenge negative thoughts” …are you familiar with Cognitive Behavior Therapy? Challenging warping thoughts is a part of that.

    Personally I am very reluctant to number 5, because meds are addictive. But I agree that when your leg is broken you should get a crutch, i.e., in severe cases of depression.

    I’d like to do a video on my YouTube channel in the future about depression in men so I’ll take your tips on board.

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