The Red Pill rage is a common phenomenon after the veil is lifted and the harsh reality is exposed. But anger is a very destructive emotion which can truly sabotage your path to a better life. In this series I will talk about ways to deal with anger.
It is a very common phenomenon that men enter the so called Red Pill Rage after the veil is lifted and the harsh reality is exposed. It is understandable. I had my fair share of rage myself, to be honest.
But anger is a very destructive emotion which can truly sabotage your path to a better life. In this series I will talk about ways to deal with anger. This is the first part.
Removing the weeds
A mind is like a garden. It’s up to you to put in the necessary work to turn your garden in a beautiful piece of art, or to neglect your garden so it will turn into a mess. Anger is an emotional state that derives when your mind is a mess.
It’s like the ugly weeds in your garden that will appear everywhere because of bad management. When anger arises you should not suppress it, because when anger arises it means it has already been sown and grown. Suppress it and it will grow inwardly, strengthening its roots deep inside you.
Let it all out
The best thing you can do with anger is to let it out – get rid of the weeds. There are different ways to do this. One method is to cut the weed or pull it out and throw it away. However, this is a very tiring job to do and it takes a lot of time and effort. Another way is to burn these unwanted plants down.
A side effect is the collateral damage it has on the environment. Both options are not ideal situations, but the plants are already there – its presence is beyond your control. What is in your control is the way you are going to deal with it. Are you going to fight it? Are you going to burn it down?
The danger of “fighting” anger
When I try to fight my anger, I basically get angry because of the anger. Getting angry because of anger only increases it and chances are that this escalates quickly and turns into rage. By fighting anger, you basically water the weeds that you want to get rid of. Rage can have a negative impact on your environment: people do not like people in a rage – I know this by experience.
You will let your anger out, yes, but the collateral damage done by this process may not be restored. Friendships and relationships break down because of poor anger management, because people who frequently let themselves slide into rage are not enjoyable people to be with.
To continue, I would like to share with you chapter 78 of the profound masterpiece the Tao Te Ching:
Nothing in the world is softer than water,
Yet nothing is better at overcoming the hard and strong.
This is because nothing can alter it.
That the soft overcomes the hard
And the gentle overcomes the aggressive
Is something that everybody knows
But none can do themselves.
Therefore the sages say:
“The one who accepts the dirt of the state
Becomes its master.
The one who accepts its calamity
Becomes king of the world.
Truth seems contradictory.
(Charles Muller translation in 1991)
Overcome anger is possible by using softer methods. This is rather a form of channeling and soothing than fighting and resisting. There are numerous ways to do this.
By physical exercise and breathing techniques, the anger can be diminished, in other words, the plants can be pulled out in a way that your environment does not have to suffer. You accept that the anger is there, and you are channeling its energy out of your body in a healthy way.
I’d advice you to check out the Tao of MGTOW series:
Old emotional pain, the bad weeds that still linger in your garden because you never removed them (probably you have never noticed them) causes a strong emotional reaction triggered by a something seemingly trivial. Spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle, author of spiritual masterpieces The Power Of Now and A New Earth calls this the awakening of the ‘painbody’ which is an “accumulation of painful life experience that was not fully faced and accepted in the moment it arose.” Feeding the painbody leads to more anger until it has enough and goes dormant again.
Anger eating demons
The Dalai Lama mentioned: “When reason ends, then anger begins. Therefore, anger is a sign of weakness.” The Buddhist view on anger is elaborated on the website View on Buddhism, and antidotes to anger are patience and meditation. According to the Buddhists, there is no such thing as ‘righteous anger’ either: it is a categorized as a problematic emotion that should be dealt with in a right manner.
Brahm tells us a story about such a demon, who feeds on anger but diminishes when treated with kindness. Feeding anger with anger will only make things worse. So how should anger be treated when it arises?
Anger comes in waves. The anger could be stopped after the first wave, but many people are so caught up in their emotions that the waves keep coming until they are exhausted and give in. The waves could start small but the size of the waves can escalate. The easiest to stop an outburst is to become aware of it when it is still small. Meditation is a way to increase your awareness by watching the mind and body. I would like to share two translations of the first two paragraphs of chapter 63 of the Tao Te Ching to support this statement. ries
James Legge translation
The first one is from the James Legge translation (source: Tao Te thing: translated by James Legge in 1891):
(It is the way of the Tao) to act without (thinking of) acting; to conduct affairs without (feeling the) trouble of them; to taste without discerning any flavour; to consider what is small as great, and a few as many; and to recompense injury with kindness.
(The master of it) anticipates things that are difficult while they are easy, and does things that would become great while they are small. All difficult things in the world are sure to arise from a previous state in which they were easy, and all great things from one in which they were small. Therefore the sage, while he never does what is great, is able on that account to accomplish the greatest things.
Charles Muller translation
The second one is by Charles Muller (source: Tao Te Ching: translated by Charles Muller in 1991):
Do without “doing.”
Get involved without manipulating.
Taste without tasting.
Make the great small,
The many, few.
Respond to anger with virtue.
Deal with difficulties while they are still easy.
Handle the great while it is still small.
The difficult problems in life
Always start off being simple.
Great affairs always start off being small.
Therefore the sage never deals with the great
And is able to actualize his greatness.
When you recuperate after an episode of anger, there is often a sense of regret, guilt and fear. You feel guilt because you likely have hurt or damaged people (or objects or other living creatures) or made them angry too, as a consequence of your rage. You realize you overreacted, and you know that with proper management and restraint the outburst could have been prevented. Another emotion that occurs is fear about the negative consequences that your actions might have.
People might be disapproving towards you, or disappointed, or worse: they might keep you at a distance or end their relationship with you. Worrying about this creates anxiety. These things are not in your control so worrying about it will not help. Not realizing this, might give space to transform the anxiety into panic. Acting from a place of panic will only make things worse, and you will bother the people you have already bothered for a second time.
Panic will make you act to prevent people from distancing themselves or leaving you, by apologizing excessively, asking for confirmations, begging for forgiveness or even reacting angrily, while these people may need time and space to heal, like yourself. You will simply make things worse than they already are.
Whenever I have stopped the waves of anger; I experience that the best thing I can do after an anger outburst is nothing. Calm the f*** down. It may take longer than you think to reach a balanced state, so don’t let your mind fool you: the anger might have disappeared, but other emotions like guilt and fear may still be there. Acting when guilt of fear are present is not a good idea because these emotions easily turn to anger. This happened to me many times in the past.
Doing nothing, preferably waiting one or more days, will clear your emotions. When your emotions are in a calm state again, you will have a much better time reflecting on past events and communicating with the people involved, apologize if needed and let it go. At the same time, the people affected by the outburst have changed too by the ongoing flux of nature. Time heals wounds, but their scars may still be there, unfortunately.
I must confess that I have a lot of personal experience with anger. Not only have did I have angry outbursts as a child and adult; I had lots of anger directed at me as well. My relationships with women were tainted by anger.
This anger mainly derived from a very deep rooted fear, which, for the most part, is a fear for abandonment. I have written an article about fear and created a YouTube video called Letting Go Of Anxiety.
The movie character Yoda from Star Wars character gives a simple explanation about fear:
“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.”
I know quoting Yoda is a little stale, but his words are profound and I have been inspired by them since childhood. It’s only until recently that the meaning of these words reallly started to make sense. Most of my life I have been experiencing the suffering part, but I could never see what the root of it was. My garden has been a mess, so to say.
An angry dog
When we look at it, anger seems to be functional. It is a mechanism intended to either protect the things we desire or scaring away what we averse. But dealing with these things by anger is still coming from fear, and many times causes harm. When you are passing by a fearful dog, it will get angry. I starts to bark. This anger costs the dog a lot of energy.
When the angry dog snaps, which sometimes happens, it could bite you, which could lead to the dog being killed off because of the law. Assuming that most people do not harm of kill dogs when they are passing by, the fear of the dog was irrational and the anger was unnecessary. Anger served no function, only risk.
This is what anger does to us. I experienced that I have never truly benefitted from anger, and I realize that using common sense, rational thinking and handling situations skillfully and intelligently is enough.
When we fear to lose something, it means that we are attached to that particular object or person. We desire something and, at the same time, we are averse to anything that will take that something away from us. Another saying by Yoda points to that direction and I quote:
“Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose.”
If we engage in desire and aversion, we water the seeds of fear and anger. Letting go of everything you fear to lose, however, is easier said than done. Who wants to let go of a spouse or children? How hard this is to digest: attachment will not help them. Like yourself, your children will reach old age as well, and die. So will your spouse. Clinging to them will not prevent this.
Anakin Skywalker, the antagonist of the Star Wars movies, experiences this first hand because of his attachment to Padmé as well as to his mother. Clinging to people can also scare them away, which only results into suffering.
Anger versus aggression
Weeding anger from your garden does not mean weeding out the yang aspects of our human condition. This would be impossible. We need a certain form of aggression to weed things in the first place. Aggression is energy, which can be channeled and used without it being misdirected by anger.
A skillful punch by a martial arts practioner who is attacked in a dark alley is certainly a form of aggression. Anger, however, could be entirely absent in this scenario. The same goes for heavy physical labor and sports; it involves aggression but is not necessarily accompanied by anger.
What I discovered in myself, personally, is that only by awareness of our body and emotions, I am able to resolve anger. Being aware of what we fear, and what we fear to lose, can help to overcome attachments and set us free.
The antidote is simple yet a hard pill to swallow: accept the impermanence of things, accept that you will lose your loved ones – either by betrayal, aversion from their side, or death – accept that you will die. Accept life, love life and embrace its nature, which is change.
🍾 Antidote for fear (of abandonment)
When your anger affected other people, fearing the consequences will not do any good. They may be forgiving, or they may leave you. I experienced both. What I realize is that this process is beyond your control and worrying about this is a waste of time. If you accept this, your fear will diminish.
🍾 Antidote for guilt
In the end, anger is human. Being compassionate for yourself that you have experienced this emotion is, in my opinion, the best way to deal with guilt. This is self-compassion: instead of beating yourself up, you approach yourself in a gentle manner and accept the fact you are human.